Saturday, May 11, 2013

Love Story Part 3

........... Engagement and Planning ..........

 Sorry the last post was long but all the parts were important for the story. Glad you came back for this part of the story.  Enjoy!

We are engaged let the planning begin. 
Questions to answer:
1.  long engagement or not~ okay not.
2. Spring, Summer, Fall, or Winter ~ Fall it is
3. Cookeville, McMinnville, Smithville ~ Cookeville check
4.Inside, Outside ~ Inside, what if it rains or turns cold
5. Church or Somewhere else~ well duh Church
6. Small or Big Wedding ~ have to be Very Big with family, friends ours and parents, church family
7. Maid of Honor and Best Man~ Who
8. Wedding party number~ 6 at least
9. Music at the reception~ Band or DJ
10. Alcohol or Not ~ No, first off we are at our church second we had really quit drinking so much
11. Sit down Meal or Finger Foods~ Heavy Appetizers it is
12. Colors~ Yellow, Purple, Orange and hints of Red Fall time colors
13. Flowers
14. Minister~ Mr. Duke or Mr. Allen Morris~ Allen
15.Wedding Dress Style 
16. Tux or Suit 
17. Bridesmaids and Groomsmen attire
18. Photographer
19. Rings
20. Budget~ who was paying for what and how much

 and Lots of other details that I have forgotten through the years

Can I say planning a wedding while going to college full time and working full time is CRAZY!!!!
Some things I was ready to pull my hair out with and other things were a breeze. And of course everyone had an opinion of what should happen and how. But Daniel and I told them, Hey it's our wedding. Thanks but no. We of course did this in a nice way. Not about to make everyone mad for no reason and become the Bride Godzilla. We just knew what we wanted, US at the end, the details would work out. So October 6, 2001 couldn't get here soon enough.
One of those details would soon become apparent and would change our course. The story of the best laid plans come to mind.

 Daniel had been invited to church, by his boss and friend Tom and Pat Brown along with George and Nina Scott, while going to TECH. Daniel had visited other churches in the county but never felt at home with them , he was lost in the crowd. He visited one church for several weeks and was a visitor every week. They never could remember who he was or if he had been there before and yes it was the same people each week. And Daniel is kind of hard to forget. George and Tom would take turns every Sunday calling Daniel and wake him up and say we are on our way to get you. Remember if you come we will take you out to eat afterwards, Free food to a college student was like gold. They spoke to his physical needs as a human but they were touching his spiritual needs too. Well Daniel would drag himself each week to church and sit through the service even though her would rather be at home in bed. But because of Tom and George calling and checking on him and stuff he didn't want to let them down either. Daniel was like me that growing up you were at church each Sunday. He went to several different ones but still he was in church. I grew up in the same church. We both wanted to live for God growing up. Then hello college no one checking up on us and making us, so church fell to the waste side. At least Daniel had went to visit some in the area, I didn't. If I wanted to go to church I would drive home, heck it was only a 30 minute drive. But God had put George and Tom in Daniel's life for a reason. Remember me talking about meeting his parents for the first time. Well little did I know at first but I had 2 more set of parents to go through. Tom and Pat and George and Nina, they were his Cookevillle parents. When I first meet them, while we were dating, I knew if I didn't pass their test I was out the door. Daniel respected them that much. To be honest. I think that their opinion mattered more than his real parents. Yes, they were that close. Lucky for me, I was accepted. We were going to church every Sunday morning at First Christian Church for the early service, 8:30. And then we would go grab some food either at a restaurant or meet at our apartment, or go out to Tom and Pat's to swim and eat. This was our regular Sunday. So when they found out we were engaged, it was as if their own children had become engaged, they were that happy.

 During this time Pat along with Nina gave me the BEST  marriage advice: 
It takes a special women to marry a fireman. You will be left sitting at home at all hours. You will be left sitting in a restaurant. You will be left with no car (so drive separate if you can) at places. He will get up and leave in the middle of a meal or never show up for the meal you took all day to cook. There will be times you may only get a quick glimpse of him. But Love him and support him.
And Tom and George gave Daniel some too: Everything is YES Dear!
Yeah some great advice from very special people that made "us" outsiders family.

 So life was going great. We had family here in Cookeville and a church family! But plans were about to take a different route. We tried to be at church every Sunday we could. There were times we went after being out all night at the Joe, on a fire call, or out with friends. But we were still there. We helped teach the 7th and 8th grade Sunday School class.  Allen our youth minister at the time asked if he could stop by our apartment and talk with us. We said sure come on over. He came to tell us that the leaders- Elders and Deacons- wanted us to step down from teaching because it didn't look good for us to live together and teach these young kids. Say one thing while doing something else kind of thing. Now here is where lots of people would get offensive and tell them fine and stay mad. Well not us. We took it to heart instead. Once we stopped teaching the kids in the class begged for us to come back. and couldn't understand why we weren't teaching anymore. We wouldn't tell them the real reason, part shame on our end, part we didn't want them made at the leaders. But it killed Daniel and me. 
My brother came up on a Sunday afternoon in April and we went and watched a movie. After the movie we came back to our apartment and Jimmy went back home. Daniel and me got talking about life. How hard it was go to church each Sunday and not be Sunday School teachers. We hated to see the kids upset and missing us. We hated thinking they thought they had done something wrong. When it wasn't them it was us living in sin was the problem. We also knew my dad wasn't well and his arthritis was giving him trouble and who knew if he would be able to walk later too. So we decided who says we can't get married now instead of the BIG wedding we were trying to plan for October. We sat up ALL night and talked. We decided right then and there, Let's do this. Do we really care for all the stuff a wedding entails. As long as we are there at the start and at the end. That's all that matters.But we both wanted out parents to be there. So we thought this weekend as in the coming Saturday, sounds good to us. Now to call our parents and tell them. So I told Daniel call your mom first and see if it works for her, she lived the furthest away. She told us she couldn't be here that weekend because she had planned her stepdad's birthday party for that time. So Daniel was like well what about the next weekend how's it look. She said looks good nothing on the calendar, why whats going on. So we both yelled, We are Getting Married next Friday night be here! Jennifer, WHAT! YAY! Happy for you! After we got off the phone with Jennifer,  Daniel called his dad, Bob and told him. The first question he asked Daniel was, Is she pregnant? Why else would you move a wedding up? Daniel told Bob, No dad she isn't we just decided we know we want to spend the rest of our lives together so why wait. Later he explained the thing about stepping down from teaching. Next was my parents, can I just say I didn't know how they would react especially after Bob's question. So of course I woke my parents up. It was late when we decided to do this and we knew if we told there was no second guessing ourselves. Straight from the hip. When my parents got on the phone. I asked if they had any big plans for the next weekend. My dad was like probably not and my mom was quite. So I blurted out,  well you do now, We are getting Married next Friday night!!! And No I'm not pregnant! My dad ,coughing in the back ground, was like umm we never said that you were. So I had to tell them about Bob asking. Then my parents were like sounds good to us. What are the details. We have have no clue, just next Friday night. You can call and tell everyone tomorrow. But we just want it to be small, family only. Not the big one we have been planning. We will talk in the morning. Good night, love you guys! 
TWO WEEKS to plan a wedding. Can it be done!?!?!?
So after we hung the phone with my parents we started working on details. We decided since it was short notice we wouldn't worry about me getting a actual wedding dress or him a tux. I was going to go buy me a plain white dress and he was going to wear a suit. I would just get a small bouquet of flowers and get a friend to a take some pictures. And I would bake a small wedding cake. The church if we could on short notice. Instead of having all the his brothers and my brother stand up for him and the friends I had chosen we would just have one person a piece. Just Us, our attendants. Allen, our parents, our siblings and our grandparents that could make it. Not Friends, extend family, church family, no fire department family. Just a hand full of people. Very simple and  very easy.
Well remember me saying at the beginning that everyone had there own ideas of what and how. Well now they were coming out the wood work.So Daniel and I had to present a joint union already. This is and this isn't what we wont. 
The day after we called our parents, my mom called me and told me to call my brother Jimmy and tell him. Jimmy and I were super duper close, he was my best friend next to Daniel. So I said sure, that afternoon I called him and well I was in for a surprise. Instead of Jimmy being happy for us. He was the opposite, he couldn't believe were doing this so soon. I was still in college and didn't I know how hard it would be to finished now. And I was to young. He liked Daniel but how could I be so sure,since you only dated not even a year yet. And then the kicker, if you are going to get married next Friday, I will NOT becoming! I will not stand by and watch you make the biggest mistake ever! WHAT!!!! I was crushed. I was also speechless and anyone who knows me knows I can talk.
So I just hung up the phone and broke down in our yard and cried and cried. Daniel came out side to see what was wrong and I told him I couldn't marry him if my brother wasn't coming. I loved him more than anything but my brother was my brother. Daniel knew how close we were. And he just held me, saying nothing but okay, we will wait. Which made me cry harder. Well it wasn't long after that my phone rung and it was my parents calling, Daniel answered it, I couldn't. My dad had been sitting next to Jimmy and heard every word he had said to me and told him I was wrong. It was my life, the good the bad, my choice.If I was making a mistake then I would learn from it and move on. Jimmy got on the phone and told me he was sorry and that if this was truly what I wanted then he would be there. Jimmy had just went through a divorce and wasn't to keen on wedding and marriage in general. I told him while sitting in Daniel's lap, Daniel was the best thing to happen to me and that I truly did want to be his wife. Jimmy then told me I will there. Get married. Relief!!!
As word got out that we we were moving our wedding up. People were talking, really I think lots thought I was pregnant but I didn't care. We knew the truth and that's all that mattered.

 I had went home during the week to see my parents and talk about what needed to be done for the wedding. We were going to be able to use our church. Has someone to play our music selections. But still needed to decide what we were wearing, flowers, cake, food for a reception. When I told my dad I was just going to wear a simple white dress he told me he didn't think so. He then proceed to hand me a blank check (for the second time) and told me to go get the wedding dress I had found a few weeks ago with my mom. Mom and me had been in Murfressboro shopping before we had moved the wedding day up and ran into a dress shop. I found my dress that day. When I first found that dress I had the Big wedding in mind. After our shopping trip that day when we got back to my parents house, my dad asked if we found anything, I told he yes, The dress! When he asked why didn't we get it I told him it cost $1000 dollars. Which doesn't sound like much and it was a really good deal but to my dad it was as if I had asked for a new truck. I told him that's okay dad I would find something cheaper, no biggie. After that I went to bed, in tears. The next morning when I walked into the kitchen, my dad handed me a blank check and told me to go get my dress. I told him it really was okay, $1000 was a lot of money for something I would only wear once. I'd find something cheap and just as pretty. He left to go to work and then I looked at my mom. She told me she had a long talk with him after I went to bed and told him I had never asked for anything really expensive growing up. As a girl I could have cost him a whole lot more through two different proms. This was my wedding and hopefully my only one. And they were going to give me what ever I wanted, no matter. They had helped with Jimmy's first wedding too. So when I told said I wasn't even going to wear an actual dress, my dad informed me that if I didn't pick a real dress out then he would. And that Daniel would be in a tux. Even if we were getting married in two weeks were going to do it right, no regrets. Okay dad, I will find something. So a few days later I went to a bridal shop here in town and looked at a few different dresses. I asked if they could hold them for me so my mom could come help pick one out. They said sure as long it was by the next evening before they closed. So I left and called mom and asked her if she could come. She said she should be able to. So the next evening my Mom as well as my Dad, Grandmother Arminta,and my Aunt Melody came up to see what I had chosen. I really didn't want my dad to see any of them until the day. But it sat down on the couch and said lets see what you got. I tried all the dresses on and then narrowed it down to two I really like. My dad was actually the one who chose my dress. He told me out of all the ones I had put on that was the one you made me look the most beautiful. So it was decided. Then my dad was going through the store picking this and that up. My mom told him she would make my veil because they were super easy. My grandmother was letting me borrow a necklace and earring set that had been my great grandmothers. And I already had shoes. Things were coming together. Denise told me she would make our cake. I told her I just wanted something very simple with real flowers on it. She was also going to bring some flowers from her garden we could use. Wonderful! When we were stating we are getting married next Friday we didn't realize it was Mother's Day weekend. This helped in us getting cheap flowers for me to carry as well as my Aunt Mel who was my maid of honor. She had found her two dresses through the JcPenny catalog and sent me a picture to look at it. I told her I trusted her judgment and to wear which ever she was comfortable in. We had ordered Daniel and Robby's tuxes from Goody's and they would come in a few days before the wedding. I had called an reserved a few tables at Nick's Restaurant for our reception as a dutch treat. We decided not to get a photographer, this was before everyone was making pictures, because of the cost. Sister in laws said they would just take some. Little did I know my dad didn't like that idea at all and had hired one from McMinnville. No regrets remember. Only thing left on the list was to talk to Allen about the ceremony, who knew there were so many different types to choose from. The puzzle was almost complete. 
Until people started to find out they weren't actually invited to our wedding. This was mainly from friends here in town. One group of friends or should I say family told us there wasn't anyone or anything to keep them from being at our wedding, yup Tom and Pat and George and Nina along with their boys- Adam, Devin, Spencer and Elliott. They said you want even know we are there. We will sit in the back. Yeah right, hows about right behind my family front and center. And we won't stay for the reception. We will leave right after the wedding.  Umm yeah right. Just the way it was suppose to be.
Time for the big day!

Another long post, sorry. I want you know and see where we were. Enjoy the next post.
~hugs and prayers~

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